#Found - #21

{Found}

#Wisdom - #20

"Knowing yourself  is the beginning of all wisdom."- Aristotle

#Dramatic - #19

"While many of the blocks to creativity are internal, one of the largest and most common blocks is not.  This external block is a destructive alliance that many creative people make with the type of personality that we call a "crazy-maker".  What is a "crazy-maker"?  Well the name tells all... a "crazy-maker" is someone who makes you crazy by constantly stirring up storms.  "Crazy-makers" are frequently charismatic, charming and likable people but for the creatives around them they can be poison.  Long on problems, short on solutions, "crazy-makers" drain your creative energy.  They always have a reason why something can't be done... "it's too late, it's not my job, they said they couldn't, let me finish this first or I forgot".  "Crazy-makers" make you feel {dramatic}.  You veer between wanting to kill them and wanting to kill yourself.  There is no right way to deal with a "crazy-maker" because the situation keeps changing.  "Crazy-makers" thrive on drama.  Everything is an emergency, a deadline, a matter of life and death or something they will get to eventually.  No doubt about it, for the creative wanting to stay blocked, linking forces with a "crazy-maker" is the ideal way to do it.  "Crazy-Makers" break deals and destroy schedules.  Their emergency always takes precedence.  "Crazy-Makers" expect special treatment, they suffer a wild and colorful variety of aliments.  "Crazy-Makers" discount your reality.  Your pressing agenda, however real is never ever as important as their own.  "Crazy-Makers" triangulate those they deal with always relaying what so-and-so said about us.  They are expert at gossip.  "Crazy-Makers" are also expert blamers.  Everything is always their problem but never their fault.  "Crazy-Makers" hate schedules, except their own.  It doesn't matter that everybody else has known about the deadline for weeks.  "Crazy-Makers" hate order, papers blanket their office and yours, if they can manage it.  "Crazy-Makers" deny that they are "crazy-makers".

The craziest thing about "crazy-makers" is that we are crazy enough to get involved with one.  If the thumbnail sketches above sounds familiar, admit that you have found a clever way to sabotage yourself.  Julia Cameron The Artists Way at Work - Riding the Dragon.

Wow - that's hardcore.

This post for me is dual reminder...

I don't think I'm a very dramatic person, I think on the most part I pretty even-keeled but this is a constant reminder not to be a {drama} queen, ever.  But more so for me to is how recognize and steer clear of the "crazy-making" people I seem to attract.  Almost 3 years ago, I made a conscious decision to eliminate this element in my life - just to keep the drama and {dramatic} situations on the down-low.  And I have to say I'm having a much more peaceful life.

Not sure why it took me so long to recognize the cycles and patterns but now when I see {drama} coming, I virtually run a mile.  I want to involve myself in things that really matter and really make sense.  And not let the {drama} clutter my soul!  My greatest aim now - is to help my girls not go down the route of being {drama} queens or "crazy-makers" and help them recognize crazy-makers and how to actively choose against it, at all costs!

#Abandon - #18

This title is supposed to be "Wild {Abandon}"

But I don't think I can use that - because I don't think there is anything wild about me.  And {abandon}ment especially wild {abandon}ment is not easy for me.  I wish I was more free to express myself with wild {abandon}.  I'm not sure exactly when control became so part of my dna or character.  Maybe I will never have the answers.  Every now and again - my girls help me loose my inhibitions and {abandon} my control to be free... free to dance, free to sing with them, free to be a goof ball and to laugh a lot, especial at myself.

I find each time I do - it loosens something inside of me.  Deep inside.  And the best part of it - is what it releases in them.  Sometimes to me that's the most beautiful gift of all.  I'm hoping as a learn to trust the {abandonment} and what comes out of it, that a greater level of {abandonment} will come through my creativity and my art... As I learn to let go... of the control,  the perfectionism and learn to let go of the fear!

To rest in the knowledge that there is a deeper beauty in the freedom of {abandonment}and there is a deeper beauty in the outcome too!

Mystery is at the heart of creativity.   That, and surprise! - Julia Cameron

Perfectionism isn't a quest for the best.

It is a pursuit for the worst in ourselves,

the part that tells us that nothing we will ever do will be good enough."

- Julia Cameron

#Sorrow - #17

{Sorrow}

{Sorrow} has been a companion of mine, through my life.  Just a deep silent companion.  At times, draped across my shoulders like a heavy cape and others like a light silk shawl.  We have at times shared long slow, silent walks together, maybe always, maybe forever!  If I look over my life, it's just always been there.  Not depressed.  Not downhearted.  Never negative. Just a lingering "something" there with me. I can't pinpoint why... maybe it's just my personality.  Maybe it's because I was born on Wednesday.

Maybe... it just makes me who I am.

We aren't enemies!  We aren't friends!  But we are companions!

[Companions - a person with whom one travels;

a pairing of things, intended to complement each other]

I know when I paint - it allows me to access it and touch it a little.  For a long time, it was sad but then it was joy and now... it's whatever it's meant to be!

After I wrote this, I found this poem about {sorrow} by Mary Oliver.

I guess she sums it up perfectly for me. I love how she personifies {sorrow} as a small girl!  Maybe it's my inner artist-child!  I kind of love that!

“Love sorrow.

She is yours now, and you must take care of what has been given.

Brush her hair, help her into her little coat, hold her hand,

especially when crossing a street.

For, think, what if you should lose her?

Then you would be sorrow yourself; her drawn face,

her sleeplessness would be yours. 

Take care, touch her forehead that she feel herself not so utterly alone.

And smile, that she does not altogether forget the world before the lesson.

Have patience in abundance.

And do not ever lie or ever leave her even for a moment by herself,

which is to say, possibly, again, abandoned.

She is strange, mute, difficult, sometimes unmanageable but,

remember, she is a child.

And amazing things can happen.

And you may see, as the two of you go walking together in the morning light,

how little by little she relaxes; she looks about her; she begins to grow.”

― Mary Oliver, Red Bird

#Silence - #16

"be encouraged to speak softly" - Susan Cain

I don't often get time to read other blogs... not because I don't want to but because I don't always have spare time.  But with it being holidays, I've been catching up on some reading of my favourite blogs... and I was reading Francesca's blog and one of her posts about introverts really resonated with me.  (Thanks Franny, this was an amazing post).

She shared this incredible TED Talk by Susan Cain.

Wow - this really summed me up!

I wish someone had explained introverts to me before.  I was always just labelled "shy, quiet or serious".  If I am honest with myself and as long as I can remember the stories about myself as a child... I would retreat.  My gran used to tell stories about how I would go "missing" but then she would find me at the bottom of the garden, in the sandpit playing happily by myself for hours.  

I agree with Susan's words - everything in our world IS geared for extroverts.

From schools, church to the workplace.  I also married an extrovert.  I think I'm attracted to vivacious people, I guess in many ways I'm intrigued.  I know for sure, we compliment each other and keep the balance.  And I think in someways I have felt guilty about not being more extroverted.  And I worked hard at trying to be more outgoing.  But the older I've got the more I'm exhausted by it all and have almost craved the "transcendent power of solitude".  And the past two years I've made a point of taking time to withdraw and be quiet.  I've had fears that I was becoming a recluse.  But the {silence} really recharged my soul from deep within!  Hearing this TED talk and reading this blog has giving me so much more understanding...  I love what Susan says... that for the sake of creativity and productivity - introverts are best doing what they do best and that we maximise our talents by putting ourselves in the zones that are right for us.

  She also speaks of how some of the greatest contributors to our society, even Jesus withdrew and went to the wilderness to deep-think. Without the wilderness times - there is no revelations.  And it's in the withdrawing that we get these revelations and new creative ideas and we bring that back to our communities... 

"Solitude does matter!"

I have a daughter whose an introvert too and her favourite thing to do is be home and in her own space, head and time.  I want to read this book so it can help me help her become the best person she can, by operating in the realms that are right for her!

Def my next read!!!!

#Exhausted - #15

{Exhausted}

Well I've survived November - it's my hardest month of the year!  It has been that way now probably as long as the girls have been at school.  It's just such a demanding month at the back of a long and usually hard year!  And true to form.  I am {exhausted}  I usually have huge capacity until I don't!  And usually by the end of November - I'm all out of capacity!  We are all {exhausted}, as a family too!  Sometimes we all loose perspective!  It's about now that holidays come just in the nick of time!  We didn't get much time off during the year, this year.  No quick get-a-ways either, this year.  In a nutshell - it's been a long, tough year!  Tough in the sense that we all worked so hard... at school, at work, with my art, fitness, taking courses, health-wise, long cold winter... you name it - we were working it!

But that all being said - it was a beautiful year!  I think it might be one of best years yet!  The girls just did so beautifully in their personal growth, in themselves and at school! They seem to be settling down well, in their own skins!  And finding their way!  And as their Momma, that's beautiful to witness!  So although we are {exhausted} and weary - we are happy!  I will be working all the way til Christmas - so I'm not out of the woods just yet!  But hanging on...